High-conflict divorce happens when two people stay psychologically involved with each other even if one or both has married someone else and started a new family. Their inability to emotionally disengage and resolve conflict often leads to repeated litigation, custody battles, violation of court orders, and in intense cases even parental alienation.

     High-conflict individuals aren’t bad people; they just have poor strategies for getting their needs met, which makes them really tough to deal with. They may be very insecure and have difficulty feeling that they’ve failed, so they look for targets to blame – generally their exes!

     People with high conflict personalities may have trouble regulating their emotions, recognizing that other people are entitled to different points-of-view, and understanding that there’s usually more than one way to solve a problem. High-conflict individuals may suffer from mental illness, addiction, or have features of personality disorders. And, here’s the thing:

It takes only ONE high-conflict personality to create divorce drama.

Dealing with a high conflict ex can result in anxiety, intense stress effects and even depression for the other parent!

     High-conflict exes tend to create chaos by threatening or instigating lawsuits, playing games with visitation and or/child support, bad-mouthing you to anyone who will listen, and making false allegations. They turn routine drop-offs into melodramatic events. They are particularly fond of sending hostile texts and emails to harass you!

You need to accept that your ex will probably never “get over it” and that you will not be able to “consciously co-parent” together, no matter what other people tell you. It’s futile trying to “talk sense” into your ex, or expect that your ex will do the “right thing” for the sake of your children.

As your therapist, my job is to educate you about your situation and support you as you develop strategies to manage your high-conflict divorce. These strategies include:

Minimizing contact
Developing an effective communication style
Setting and maintaining boundaries
Parallel Parenting
Managing your own reactions
Finding ways to make your children feel secure

You can’t change your ex, but you can improve the quality of your life by changing the way you react and relate to your ex – and I’m here to help you do that.